Top 5 Tips To Have An Amazing Threesome: Couples Edition

Date
Mar, 12, 2021

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Have you ever fantasized about having sex with more than one person at a time?

If you have, then you are not alone.

While there are many forms of group sex, this post will focus on the most common sexual fantasy in the United States, the threesome.

High on people’s sex bucket list and like everything in life, not impossible to attain, threesome’s are a great way to explore your sexuality, relationship, and yourself.

If you’ve been dying to have a threesome or have no idea where to start, or maybe you are not sure it’s for you and your partner, then I implore you to continue reading!

Definition

Since I am a technical person and like to make sure everyone is on the same page, let’s start with some vocabulary.

The definition of a threesome is:

When three CONSENTING adults of any gender and sexuality come together and perform sexual acts together.

This could be a couple looking to invite a third, a single or a unicorn who is invited to join, or three singles who choose to have sex with each other.

You may be wondering what the hell is a unicorn in terms of threesomes?

A unicorn is a bisexual woman who sleeps with couples, but in this post, the unicorn will be an individual (woman, man, nonbinary) who sleeps with couples.

Unlike the unicorns in the storybooks from when you were young, we have proof that they exist.

It just takes time, patience, and the right couple to draw one out.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get into my top 5 tips for having an amazing threesome!

#1) Be Clear As To Why You Want To Have A Threesome

There are so many reasons as to why people participate in threesomes, but like any goal you are trying to achieve, you need to start by being straightforward and honest as to why you want a threesome.

Take some time to sit with the idea and get to the root as to why you want it.

Identifying why you want a threesome will not only help you be more confident when you bring up the idea to your partner, but it will help you recognize what you hope to get out of the experience.

Why Do You Want A Threesome?

Here are some questions that could potentially help you figure out why you want a threesome:

Sexuality and threesomes- CTM
  1. Do you want to explore your sexuality more?
  2. Is it on your sex bucket list?
  3. Has it always been a sexual fantasy of yours? Maybe you just really want to have 2 guys rail you at the same time, or you want to make out with a girl while riding your boyfriend’s dick?
  4. Are you bored with your relationship’s sex life and want to spice things up in the bedroom?
  5. Do you think it will bring you and your partner closer together because you will see each other in a new light?
  6. Are you looking for a consistent 3rd for your relationship?
  7. Are you only doing it because your partner wants to, and you’re afraid to say no?
  8. Are you doing it because they cheated on you, and now this is your way to even the score?

Remember to answer as honestly as possible and not judge yourself.

Don’t Do It If…

Furthermore, if you realize that you only want a threesome because you want revenge, leverage within your relationship, or want to make your partner happy, I highly suggest that you do not have a threesome.

Not only will it ruin the experience, but it will make the third feel uncomfortable. It could possibly cause a further divide in your relationship and more profound insecurity within yourself.

Once you have figured out why you want a threesome (and there is no mal-intent), you can now bring up the idea to your partner.

Make sure you are caring and sensitive to their feelings.

Do not push them and give them an explanation as to why you want this experience with them. 

#2) Setting Boundaries Before Your Threesome

Congratulations! You and your partner are on the same page, and you both want to have a threesome!

Yayyyy!

Now before you go out to find your third, you and your partner need to establish boundaries before you explore this great unknown together.

Otherwise known as ground rules, limits, and hard no’s, establishing boundaries with your partner will help you find your perfect third and save yourself a fight with your partner. 

Boundaries For Your Threesome

Here are some questions to ask yourselves to get you started:

  1. Do you want the third to sleepover?
  2. Are y’all going to stay in contact with the third?
  3. Will y’all be getting tested beforehand?
  4. Will condoms (I highly advise that you do) be used?
  5. Are there any sexual acts that are off-limits?
  6. Will there be kissing with the third?
  7. What is aftercare going to look like?

Setting these ground rules with your partner will help y’all enjoy the threesome to the fullest extent because not only will it prevent (most) hurt feelings, but it will help everyone feel more comfortable.

Once these boundaries are established, y’all can start your hunt for a third that will respect your limits (and y’all respect theirs).

Click here if you want to read more about different types of birth control that you can use during a threesome!

#3) Find Your 3rd

With your boundaries and expectations set, you and your partner can now start identifying what traits you want in your third.

Ask yourselves if you want your third to be a friend, unicorn, or a stranger?

There are pros and cons to both.

Pros

Pros for Friends:

  1. You know them
  2. You and your partner probably already have chemistry with them
  3. You know can speak freely with them about what you want and expect
  4. You can ask them to get tested before anything happens

Pros for Strangers:

  1. An extra element of excitement
  2. Never have to see them again
  3. Can speak freely about what you and your partner want from the experience
  4. Perfect for one night

Cons

Cons for Friends:

  1. Possibly more awkward during the threesome and after
  2. You will have to see them again
  3. Have a visual in your mind of them and your partner (could be a turn on for some people)
  4. It could start a fight in between friends because one feels threatened by the other
  5. It’s too close to home

Cons for Stangers:

  1. May not have enough time to get tested
  2. Could be a murderer
  3. May not have a connection with both partners
  4. It could be more awkward because y’all didn’t have the opportunity to find out what they are into sexually

Things to Consider

The best way for couples to approach threesomes is with patience and time.

Take the time to consider who you want to be apart of your threesome, and don’t just jump into it.

While the thrill of finding a hot unicorn/stranger at the bar gets you wet, that fantasy is best left to couples who already have experience in this area.

For newbie couples, I highly recommend getting to know someone first.

Get to know who they are, their intentions, their expectations, and their boundaries. 

Also, make sure you both have a connection with the third and be clear and direct about what you want and what you are looking for.

Establish an open communication line before, during, and after the threesome because you don’t want anyone to feel left out, uncomfortable, or used.

This is supposed to be a fun experience for all parties.

#4) Be Open-Minded Because It’s Not Going To Be Perfect

You can plan a threesome on paper down to the tee. What moves everyone is going to do, what you are going say, hell, even how you will moan.

But, I 100% guarantee you that it will not go the way you have it planned out in your head.

Like life, people, especially situations involving sex, are unpredictable.

Now, if you are like me, you are probably trying to plan it out because you don’t want any hurt feelings or awkward moments to happen but guess what? No matter how much you plan, something out of your control is going to happen.

Go with the Flow

So let go of the fantasy of how you want it to go down. The idea you have in your head will only take away from the moment and add a lot of pressure to something that is supposed to be fun and liberating.

So accept that, yeah, there will be some awkward moments, yeah, it’s going to be funny at times, and be prepared that something you do not like may happen. 

(P.S. I’m talking about the way your partner looks at the third. Thus making you jealous, not someone disrespecting your boundary.)

That way, you can make a mental note of it and talk about it afterward.

Think about it like this: sex is already weird and difficult when it’s two people. Adding a third to the mix may complicate things. Because now y’all have to find what works for all 3 of you.

So set the mood music, play some board games, drink some wine and enjoy every moment of it because it is your first time.

#5) Talk About It Afterwards

I always say, if you are too shy to talk about sex with your partner or whoever you are having sex with, you are not ready to engage in such activities.

Communication is so important, and it is often overlooked because people don’t want to “ruin the moment.”

Now that is complete bullshit.

After a new experience such as the threesome, it is important to communicate with your partner and the third.

Create a safe space where all three of you can talk about what y’all liked and did not like.

What did you enjoy? What was your favorite part? Was there something that you absolutely hated?

This can help reduce any awkwardness or jealousy that may be lingering around afterward.

Aftermath of the Threesome

When you are alone with your partner again, talk about what surprised you during the experience.

Communication & Threesomes-CTM

Was there anything that made either of you jealous?

Was your third a good match for y’all?

Did either of y’all feel left out at any point?

Discuss whether or not y’all would do it again.

Be honest and don’t just agree with them.

The last thing you want is to resent them because they enjoyed the experience.

Have Fun!

Threesomes are a great way to explore your sexuality and spice things up in the bedroom.

They are fun, enlightening, and, yes, awkward at times. But they teach you so much about yourself, and it’s a great way to test your boundaries.

But remember:

  1. Don’t have a threesome just to please someone else.
    • This will cause resentment not only with the other people involved but also with yourself.
  2. Be clear and direct with your wants and expectations.
    • No one can read your mind, and they are not always going to like what you have to say.
  3. Be nice to your third
    • Whether they are a stranger or a friend, be kind to them. It is an experience for them to offer them a drink, a towel, and check-in with them, especially during the threesome.
    • They are not just a sex toy that you can get rid of when you are done (unless y’all established that before engaging in sexual activities).
  4. Be safe and open-minded.
    • Things are not going to go exactly as planned, so be prepared for that.
  5. HAVE FUN!
    • It is a new experience, so be open to trying new things.

Sources

  1. Refinery29 | How To Make Your Threesome As Romantic As Possible
  2. Master Class | How to Have A Threesome: 6 Tips for a Successful Threesome
  3. Glamour | Threesome Stories & Tips From 13 Real Women Who’ve Had One
  4. Cosmopolitan | What It’s Really Like to Have A Threesome
  5. The Guardian | The Psychology of the Threesome: Everyone Wants One, But Who’s Truly Ready For It?
  6. Metro UK | 15 Things No One Tells You About Having A Threesome
  7. Bustle | How Many People Actually Have Threesomes?
  8. Medium | The Fears That Kill Your Threesome Dreams

Mía

Hi, I am Mia! I am Sex Education Enthusiast and I love bringing people the knowledge they need to make their sex lives better! I always preach that having a healthy sex life is a part of a healthy life overall.

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Anna

If you are self conscious it might not be the best idea to have your first threesome while in a relationship, probably better when you are single. But you can always start talking to your boyfriend about it and say what you want and how you want to do it and then just see how it makes you feel. Then decide if it’s worth going for.

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