For the last year, I have been trying to develop a yoga practice.
Why, you may ask? Because I liked the idea of being the type of girl who does yoga.
To me, yoga seems like one of those hobbies that make you this elegant, tranquil person who has a deeper understanding of life and themselves, and that is what I wanted.
So I did what any sane person would do and scoured the internet.
I found some great yogis.
But I didn’t feel that calmness from them that I wanted to achieve until I stumbled on to Kharma Grimes.
I discovered Kharma thru another account raving about her 10 Minute Morning Yoga Practice.
Needless to say, I added her video to my watch later in 30 seconds flat.
And for the next few days, I binge-watched her videos and scrolled endlessly on her Instagram page.
I was in awe of Kharma.
She embodied this beautiful, feminine energy that I’ve always wanted to achieve.
Different from your average Yogi because she doesn’t just tell us how to do better; she utilizes her platform to show us.
I’ve learned that healing is a multifaceted process about finding a way back to your authentic self and being comfortable with who you are.
Because in all honesty, that is what we are looking for.
Whether through sex, yoga, exercise, or traveling, we are all looking for a way to be comfortable with ourselves.
So now that y’all think that I am in love with Kharma, I’d like to introduce you to the Yogi herself.
I reached out to Kharma to see if she would like to collaborate with me so I could pick her brain to see how yoga has helped her and shaped her into the woman she is today.
So, without further ado, please read how I overstepped my boundaries by asking this lovely soul that I hardly know multiple intimate questions about her personal life.
Related Article: Best 5 Yoga Poses for Your Next Moon Cycle with Kharma Grimes
What’s So Great About Yoga?
Before I started inquiring Kharma about her sex life and whether or not yoga does, in fact, make sex better, I wanted to get to know her story.
Starting as a dancer from the young age of 7, Kharma developed body dysmorphia.
But about 3 years ago, she started doing yoga.
Yoga has “improved every aspect of my life,” she stated, emphasizing that the practice has helped her accept her “body as it is.”
With the possibility of healing on the horizon, Kharma continued to pursue the practice.
Today is able to state wholeheartedly that:
Practicing yoga has helped me heal from this distorted way of viewing my body. It’s the driving force of my new perspective: valuing my body for what it does for me and not how it looks.
Now knowing that yoga had the capability of getting Kharma to reach a level of acceptance we all seek, she decided to share her journey.
With a diverse selection of yoga videos on her YT channel and an inside look at her life, Kharma found something that she didn’t even know she was looking for.
I didn’t expect yoga to guide me towards having wonderful friendships and a community of like-minded individuals. From just posting my yoga practice on Instagram, I’ve had the opportunity to make quite a few friends. It’s opened the doors to collaborations such as this one!
So I guess that’s the thing about being able to be vulnerable with others. You find your people.
A Space for Love Within Healing
With a theme of healing embedded in each of her videos, Kharma lays it out all on the table. She gives us a sneak peek at the heart that she proudly wears on her sleeve.
Since healing is a personal process that impacts everyone differently, I asked Kharma to describe her journey in one word:
was the word she gave me.
With no further explanation, I automatically understood what she meant.
You are remembering who you are.
Remembering things that you have forgotten or chosen to forget, and are actively choosing to remember to move forward.
Kharma chooses to remember her feelings and past traumas that she then shares with us her videos.
One specific topic that she talked about in one of her Day in Life videos was her fear of men.
When I heard that, my lightbulb went off.
I was like, “Girl, same.”
But unlike me, she is currently in a relationship with a man. As someone who hopes to be in a loving, safe relationship one day, I wanted to know how she did it?
How could she work with her fear and move into a relationship?
Kharma, unknowingly, let me know that we are searching to be loved, but we just go about that differently.
She attested to the fact that her “fear of men came secondary to my desire to be loved” and was vulnerable enough to say that,
I grew up with a very confusing relationship with my own father. In fact, I’m still in the process of unpacking it myself, but one consistent feeling I had was that I was never truly heard or seen. So I believe his lack of interest in who I am as a person drove me to search for a man who would show me that interest. However, when I was finally involved with someone who did show me that attention, this is when my fear of men would arise.
Shocked to find that I am not the only one whose father came up short in the sense of making her believe that she wasn’t enough and searching for that love within others, Kharma went on to reveal that,
My fear of men would hinder me from being my authentic self around them in the past. I would put up this masculine front because I didn’t feel safe enough to be feminine and free.
How was she able to become a healed version?
When posed with this question, Kharma nodded to her current relationship.
I feel that I’ve done my best in healing my own traumas; however, I would say that I’ve done the majority of healing my unhealthy relationship with men with my partner. There’s only so much you can do on your own, but it doesn’t compare to experiencing it firsthand. A healthy relationship is truly the most divine collaborative effort available to us in this lifetime. We make space for each other. We accept each other fully, express our needs and desires, and fulfill them to our best abilities.
When talking about her relationship with her partner, another lightbulb went off in my head.
In this society, we are taught to be individualistic. We can get everything we need from ourselves and should be able to overcome obstacles without outside help.
While the ability to self-soothe and work through our emotions is an individual journey, Kharma helped me realize that we need the help and perspectives of others.
Our belief that we need to be able to get through things alone is our demise.
But that belief reared its ugly head and popped a concern into my mind as to how much Kharma was relying on her partner to help her through her healing process.
Luckily, she quickly let me know that I needn’t worry.
Reminding me that she already had a strong sense of self before meeting him.
She planted the seed, and all he has done has helped her water it.
My cheesy words, not hers, but it’s true.
She went on to explain that her relationship
has truly felt like a portal in the sense that once we started dating, we’ve both gained so much clarity about other aspects in our lives. I believe this is because neither of us has ever experienced a relationship where we could be fully open with the other person. Be able to talk about everything and anything without feeling judged or rejected, so we created a space where we can explore ourselves through each other.
And that’s when it hit me: A safe space with the person you care for most at the moment is possible without losing yourself.
As y’all know, here at Come to Mia, sexual wellness is my shit.
I believe that it’s tied to our overall wellness, and you can’t have one without the other.
So you know, I just had to ask this Yogi if yoga really does make sex better.
And the short answer is Yes!
Yes, it does but not in the sense that you think.
Describing sexual wellness as “fully accepting every aspect of yourself and exploring your truest desires with a partner who makes you feel safe, heard, and held especially in your most vulnerable state,”
Kharma went on to say that yoga changed her sex life by helping her implement that definition.
It helped her accept her body.
Allowing her to feel comfortable opening up to her partner because she accepted herself fully first.
She learned to be vulnerable thru her practice.
But knowing how yoga has changed Kharma’s current life, I was curious to see what advice she would give her younger self, who was having sex for the first time.
And I think that advice that she would give to her younger self is something that we all need to hear from time to time.
I would like to know that it is perfectly normal and acceptable to have awkward moments during sex. That it’s okay to laugh, or cry, or moan in a deep voice, and I don’t have to live up to any expectations, nor should I hold any expectations for my partner.
Women are often taught to behave a certain way in the bedroom:
- Be sexy
- Moan loud
- Tell them how big they are and how much you love it
- Stroke their ego
- Fake an orgasm if you haven’t cum yet, but they did
And all these expectations, as Kharma coined, are not conducive for a real sexual relationship.
Sex becomes a performance instead of an act of love and pleasure.
We skip over the intimacy because it’s not sexy and miss out on some of the best moments.
Related Article: What I Wish I Knew Before Having Sex For The First Time
What Kharma Taught Me
The great thing about life is that you can be on your own path, working on yourself, and not even notice your impact on others.
When I first DMed Kharma, I was nervous.
She was the first person I DMed to collaborate with me and the first to answer.
I had no idea what I was doing and still don’t, but her kind energy manifested in every email we exchanged.
Throughout this process and in writing this interview, Kharma has taught me some things:
- Relationships can facilitate growth and a safe space. You can make strides in your journey with the help of a partner, and doing it alone doesn’t make you better; it can actually halt your growth.
- The most effective way to heal is by coming back to who you were instead of trying to forget.
- Accepting your body for the way it is and finding comfort in all it has done for you will help you get further in life than punishing yourself for not reaching the unrealistic expectations you set.
Now I couldn’t leave this interview without asking Kharma some rapid-fire questions so we can get to know her even more intimately:
- Favorite Yoga Poses?
- Child’s Pose, Wide-Legged Forward Fold, Heroes Pose
- Favorite Sex Positions?
- Doggy, Missionary but propping myself up on my hands
- Favorite Place to Have Sex?
- Our bed 🙂 it’s a sanctuary for us
- Sex Toys? Yay or Nay?
Check Out Kharma
I highly suggest making her part of your daily routine and liking, sharing, and commenting on our collaboration!