“But he got to eat the booty like groceries” – Post To Be, Jhené Aiko
“Si tu novio no te mama culo….”- Safaera, Bad Bunny
Gotta love how music breaks borders and opens our minds to new things.
I remember being in middle school and Nicki Minaj rapping about “tossing the salad,” and my friends and I searching up the definition of it.
Anal sex has been rapidly growing in popularity in not only media but also real life.
People see it as taboo and a forbidden hole that we must not touch and avoid at all costs, and what does society do when something is considered taboo or off limits?
We dive head in first into it.
And without the correct information, preparation, or planning, you are in for a not-so-enjoyable experience.
Anal sex, unlike other forms of sex, requires more “planning, preparation, and communication” to get the best experience possible.
So like the rest of society, let’s dive headfirst into everything you need to know before having anal sex.
Before we dive headfirst, these are things you must keep in mind when having anal sex. And don’t worry, I will discuss each point more in-depth as you read on.
- The anus is not self-lubricating
- It is not a second vagina.
- Use a new condom or wash up after having anal sex.
- Do not go from anus to vagina to mouth without cleaning unless you want a nasty infection.
- Spit is not enough; you NEED lube!
- Pretty self-explanatory.
- Go slow and don’t rush.
- There is no clock running to see how fast you can stick a 6-inch dick in there. Enjoy the process.
- This is supposed to be a fun, enjoyable experience.
- Try anal sex because you want to. Not because you want to impress someone.
Definition of Anal Sex
If you know me, you know I love to start with definitions to make sure everyone is on the same page.
While anal sex can be defined as just penetration from any object, I prefer a more well-rounded definition in which anal sex is defined as any type of sexual activity that involves the anal region.
Anal sex can include rimming or anilingus, fingering the anus, or penetration from a penis, tongue, sex toys, or even an anal massage.
Moreover, when you hear the word “anal sex,” the question, “are you a top or bottom,” is usually not too far behind.
While these terms are pretty self-explanatory, I like to assume that everyone is as naive as I once was so, I will define them.
A top is someone (man, women, non-binary baby, trans, whoever) who inserts whatever (with consent) into their partner’s anus.
A bottom is a person who receives anal penetration.
Hence the terms, top, and bottom.
Or you can also see it from this perspective: the top is the giver, and the bottom is the receiver!
Now let’s get to know how that asshole you want so bad is built!
Don’t worry about it.
It’s just the basics, and there is no test at the end.
Otherwise known as the butthole, it is the “opening where the gastrointestinal tract ends and exits the body,” or in layman’s terms, where you poop out of and where people like to stick penises, fingers, or sex toys.
It consists of an external and internal sphincter.
The anus has tissue inside and outside. The tissue inside is more delicate than the outside tissue, making it prone to tearing and bleeding due to penetration.
The internal sphincter is a smooth muscle meaning that we cannot control it voluntarily. It has a mind of its own, and it’s responsible for keeping the anal canal closed.
The external sphincter is made up of skeletal muscle. This means that is we can control it voluntarily, and its job is to prevent stool leakage.
Both muscles work together to keep the anus tight to prevent leakage when you are doing anything, really.
These muscles need to be relaxed to make penetration enjoyable.
These are the bad boys that make any stimulation to the area enjoyable or painful.
Be sure to incorporate foreplay (light touching or pressure to the anus) to stimulate these nerves before penetration, to relax the sphincter, and find what feels good.
Click here to read more about the anatomy of the anus!
How To Prepare For Anal Sex
Anal sex requires more preparation, planning, and communication than any other form of sex. The muscles in the anus exclusively push out and are not used to anything being pushed in.
Anal sex should not be a spur-of-the-moment type of thing.
That is how people get hurt or have bad experiences and refuse to try it again.
For the love of God, YOU NEED LUBE!
Especially for anal sex.
The anus, unlike the vagina, is not self-lubricating, meaning that it is as dry as the Sahara desert back there, no matter how aroused the person is.
And I am telling you, spit is not enough!
You need lube, so please buy lube.
The lube will help with the friction and reduce the risk of tears in the tissue of the anus.
When considering what lube to buy, you need to take into account whether you will be using condoms or not.
I highly suggest that you use condoms, and I explain in further detail why in the Safety section of this article.
So if you are planning to use condoms, get a water-based lube. An oil-based lube will break down the integrity of the condom and put you at risk for STDs and infections.
Or you can use a silicone-based lube, which has a much thicker consistency and won’t dry out as quickly as the water-based lube.
You can use oil-based lube but remember not to combine it with latex condoms!
Work Your Way Up
Let’s just say that if you have never had anal sex or any type of anal play before and your boyfriend wants to stick his 6-inch dick up your ass, you are not going to enjoy it.
Like I said, your anus is not used to receiving something going in, so it won’t like that.
You need to work your way up.
You can start with light touching or pressure to the area and then progress to a finger, then two fingers.
Then you can progress to small toys or dildos and then eventually that 6-inch dick!
Or you can also try an anal training kit to work your way up.
Anal sex requires preparation. Don’t rush the process.
Your external and internal sphincter muscles are naturally tight, so you will need to relax those bad boys to enjoy the whole experience and reduce the risk of tearing and pain.
You can do this in several different ways:
- Getting aroused helps you get out of your mind and more into your body. You start stressing less about what is going to happen and focus more on what feels good. So try some light touching or pressure to the area.
- Warm Bath
- Taking a warm bath helps relax the body and the mind. And you are clean before anything happens.
- Make sure to take deep breaths to relax your body because nothing will be able to go in if you clench.
What To Expect During Anal Sex
Yes, the back door is also surrounded by a dark forest.
And that’s okay! Pubic hair is natural and part of the human body!
Don’t feel pressured to shave or wax it if you don’t want to because I guarantee you that area will be itching, and the last thing you want is to try to scratch your butthole.
But if you do decide, on your own with no pressure from external sources, that you want to shave your pubic hair, make sure to do it at least 48 hours before.
This is because shaving or waxing opens up microscopic cuts that allow for more bacteria and infections to enter the bloodstream.
It doesn’t make you more or less hygienic if you do have it, and whoever says it does, doesn’t deserve your butthole.
Related Article: 12 Common Sex Myths You Have Definitely Heard Of!
Poop- During & After
Whether you want to admit to it or not, everyone poops! It comes out of the anus—another wonder of the human body.
And no matter how hard you try to clean your anus or you even pooped first, there will probably be some poop! And that’s okay! It’s part of the experience.
It will not be a full-on poop, but there will probably be some specs of it, so beware and be prepared.
If the idea of poop coming out disgusts you, maybe anal sex is not for you.
Furthermore, pooping after having anal sex may be a bit…odd.
You may feel constipated or bloated after. This is due to the penis (or whatever else) that was going in and out of your colon.
It shouldn’t be more than a few days for your bowel movements to go back to normal.
You know how a vagina queefs because of the air going in and out with each stroke?
Yeah, well, the same thing happens with the anus.
As an object moves in and out of the anus, there will be air and air bubbles.
Long story short, don’t trust your farts for a few hours.
Cover The Sheets
Remember how I said there might be poop?
Yeah, well, there may also be bodily fluid that comes out in a not-so-clear-color
It may have a brownish tinge to them.
And it’s normal and part of the process, but just put down a dark towel or change those white sheets, so you aren’t surprised.
How It Feels
If you’ve asked any of your friends who have had anal sex what does it feel like, you have probably heard them say that it feels like you are pooping.
This is because…
- You have something going in and out of your anus.
- Pooping is the only feeling your anus has experienced.
It may take some time to get accustomed to feeling.
From an article I read on b-vibe, the author Zachary Zane said that you might also feel like peeing, and this is because the prostate can push up against the bladder, causing incidental bladder pressure.
So if you have a prostate, be prepared for that.
If your anything like me, cleanliness is a deal-breaker and possibly one of the most important things.
Now there are a few ways to go about this.
If you want, you can use an enema to clean your rectum after you’ve pooped, but it’s not necessary.
You can also use mild soap and water to clean the area gently.
But remember, there may be some poop specs, whether you see them or not, no matter how much you clean!
It’s your butthole! That’s what it is there for.
As Zachary Zane said, if you poop, you poop! It’s not the end of the world. Life goes on!
But if your partner shames you, then they are the piece of shit (pun intended).
Just be sure to clean up afterward and change your condom or wash any toys used, to reduce infection risk.
Soreness or Blood
Remember when I said that your anus is made of muscles whose purpose is to be tight, and you have delicate tissue prone to tearing?
Yeah, well, thanks to those muscles, we are not worried about shitting ourselves, but they make anal sex a bit harder and require more preparation.
Be sure that you are relaxed as possible, using either a water-based (if using condoms) or silicone-based lube, breathing, having done at least 20 minutes of foreplay to ensure your arousal, and having mentally and physically prepared yourself.
If you feel uncomfortable at any point, stop!
Please don’t force your body because it can lead to more significant issues!
Like anything in life, there is risk involved.
I want you to prepare for what could happen so you know what to do and how to minimize your risk.
Dental Dams & Condoms
So I love condoms. With all of the different options available and being the only type of contraceptive that protects against STIs, I think everyone should be using condoms, especially during anal sex.
According to the CDC, anal sex has the highest risk of transmitting HIV and other STIs, especially for the bottoms.
This is because the tissue in and around the anus is sensitive and delicate, making it prone to tearing and bleeding when introducing penetration.
With multiple tears and bodily fluids exchange, STIs such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV can easily enter the bloodstream.
Even if both partners don’t have STIs, bacteria present in fecal matter or the anus can be transferred between each other through the tears in the anus, causing infections.
So use condoms for penetration and dental dams for eating ass.
Even with oral sex, the risk of STI transmissions such as hepatitis or intestinal parasites is present.
Related Article: The Ultimate Guide To Condoms: Different Types & Styles
Makes sure to use the condoms with either a water-based or silicone-based lubricant because the anus is not self-lubricating.
DO NOT USE AN OIL-BASED LUBE! It will break down the condom.
Also, be sure to switch out condoms whenever switching activities. You do not want to go from your anus to your vagina or mouth with possible fecal matter on whatever you are using (fingers, penis, dildos, or sex toys).
Moreover, condoms make clean up a breeze. As the bottom, you don’t have to worry about squeezing cum out, and at the top, you can just take off the condom, throw it away, and wash your hands.
I know. This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but you should always get tested when you are with a new partner or at least once a year.
Nearly 20 million new STI cases are reported in the U.S. every year, and you do not want to be a part of that statistic.
It is better to know and get the treatment that you need than letting it get worst.
Moreover, you read the section above, right? Unprotected anal sex puts you at higher risk for HIV transmission and STI transmission.
So just get tested.
Furthermore, if you are at risk for contracting HIV, you can consider going on PrEP.
It is a once-a-day pill that prevents HIV transmission for individuals who are considered high risk for contracting HIV.
It may not be available everywhere but be sure to talk to your doctor or local Planned Parenthood.
So with any sexual activity or just being alive in general, there is some risk involved.
- Like I said, your anus is not used to something going in and out of it. So go slow and use the steps above to prepare for anal sex. Get aroused, take a warm breath, foreplay, deep breathing, and lots of lube. And if it is causing too much discomfort and you are no longer enjoying it, you can stop.
- These are tears in the tissue of the anus. Even if you prep, it could still happen, so go slow and notice if you are in any pain.
- Light Bleeding
- This can be due to fissures or hemorrhoids. If it is persistent, then see your doctor.
- You are introducing the sphincter muscle to a new sensation, and some soreness may occur. Try a warm bath to ease the soreness and if it is hard to poop, try stool softeners.
- While many people have anal sex to avoid the pregnancy scare, there is a theory that you can get pregnant but not the way people assume. Semen cannot get from the anus to the vagina, but if someone cums in your anus, and that cum leaks out and drips into your vagina after anal sex, that may cause pregnancy. It’s improbable so do with that what you will.
- If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. Anal sex puts you at higher risk for STI transmission due to the delicate tissue back there. Any cuts allow infections, bacteria, and viruses to be easily introduced.
One of the most important parts of sex but the most overlooked because people think it will ruin the moment.
If the thought of talking to your partner about your anus and what you would like to go in it and for how long makes you uncomfortable, then you are not ready to have anal sex.
If the person you are having sex with is not respecting your boundaries or if they do something by surprise that you stated you are not comfortable with, or if they throw a fit because you want to stop or don’t want to do something, they do not deserve to have sex with you.
If they violate your trust or consent in any manner, they suck, and you should put them on the curb because they are trash.
While anal sex can be daunting, talking with your partner about which position you would like to do it in is crucial for your comfortability if you are bottoming.
There is good old doggy position, missionary, or you can lay on your stomach.
Any of these options are good, and many people rave about them, so pick your poison, go slow, and be patient.
Let’s look at these two different scenarios, shall we:
- It is your first time trying anal play, and your partner has stuck a finger in your asshole. They have done some strokes, and they are all excited and want to stick in another finger. On the other hand, you are not enjoying the experience at all but don’t want to upset them.
- Today is finally the day that your partner is going to stick in their penis. They put the head of the penis at your anus and begin slowly pushing in. You feel a lot of discomfort and can’t seem to relax, but don’t want to ruin the experience for them because they have been begging to try anal for over a year.
In each scenario, what should the bottoms do?
B.) Continue because they don’t want to upset their partner
If you answered A, then you be correct.
Both of these scenarios are entirely plausible, and while I understand that you want to please your partner, your enjoyment and pleasure need to come first.
If you push your body too hard and do something you are not ready for, you can end up injuring yourself.
You will then look back on the experience as something horrible that you do not want to do again.
Anal sex can be fantastic, and if executed properly, it may become part of your regular sex routine.
Just listen to your body and don’t force yourself.
Keep In Mind
Anal sex can be incredible! It can lead to stronger orgasms and a deeper connection and understanding with yourself and your partner.
So go slow and enjoy the entire process and realize that there will be missteps along the way and that’s okay!
You are only human.
And if you realize that anal sex is not for you, great! At least you tried it out. You officially know yourself a bit better.
But if you realize that you love anal sex and can’t live without it, congratulations! You have a new tool in your sex tool belt!
Just keep an open mind and respect your limits.
- San Francisco AIDS Foundation| Top Tips For More Pleasurable Bottoming
- University of Michigan Health System| Normal Female Anatomy
- WebMD| Anal Sex
- WebMD| Picture of the Anus
- Healthline| Anal Sex Safety: Everything You Need to Know
- b-Vibe | What I Wished I Knew Before My First Time Having Anal Sex
- WebMD | Understanding Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
- Avert| How To Have Anal Sex