Cunnilingus 101 :What the F**k Is It + 5 Steps to Pleasing Your Partner

Scientific Name: Cunnilingus

Latin Term Break Down: Cunnus = vulva; Lingere = to lick

Street Name: Eating pussy

Been Around Since: 79 AD

Uses Include: Getting closer to your partner, trying something new, apologizing, showing love, etc.

Other Euphemisms: Going down on someone, getting eaten out…

Cunnilingus has been around since ancient times when archeologists uncovered paintings in the excavation of the city of Pompeii.

But unfortunately, in today’s society, Cunnilingus has a bad reputation.

It’s been labeled as “disgusting” or “too hard to do,” which has made many vulva-owners just skip out on the experience altogether.

To make matters worse, many individuals have hang-ups about their genitals.

They are paralyzed with questions such as:

Are my lips too big?
Does it smell okay?
Does it taste okay?
Why doesn’t it look like that girl’s in porn?
Is my vagina normal?
Is this too much hair?

And many more.

Cunnilingus is amazing, but because our society has been so penis-focused for the last few decades, vaginas have not received the attention they deserve.

Well, today, that changes!

This guide will answer all the questions you have about Cunnilingus. Answers will range from how to perform it to what you should be avoiding. This way, you can guarantee that the person you go down on will have a fantastic experience!

Moreover, I was lucky enough to collaborate with Michela Negri (@meriodoc), a sex education artist based in Italy, on this post.

All the illustrations come from their beautiful imagination and if you’d like to get to know them better, then click below to read the interview that we did together!

Intimate Inteviews| Michela Negri: How One Artist Uses Their Apple Pen to Change The Sex Ed Landscape

Key-Take Aways

Before we jump into what Cunnilingus is, there are a few things I want you to keep in mind:

Shame & Insecurity
1. As I mentioned before, many vulva-owners have an internalized insecurity about their genitals and not being able to orgasm quickly. These insecurities stem from being told all their lives that vaginas should look a particular way and smell like a bed of fresh roses and that we should be able to cum instantly. So if your partner is experiencing these insecurities, try to ease them. Let them know that there is no pressure to have an orgasm and that you love how their vulva looks and tastes. Trust me, we need it.
Be open and honest with your partner.
1. Communication is key to having great sex. Make it clear to your partner that you want to go down on them and enjoy it. Moreover, ask them what they like: do they like it hard or soft? Or do they not know and what you to take the lead. Asking questions does not ruin the mood. Instead, it facilitates a safe space where people are free to enjoy themselves.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
1. Not every vulva-owner will enjoy the same technique or even enjoy Cunnilingus. This is where communication comes in.
It doesn’t have to be a one-sided experience.
1. While Cunnilingus is usually portrayed as a one-sided experience, it doesn’t have to be. Both parties can contribute. The Receiver can grind their hips against their partner’s mouth, pull on their hair, give them feedback, or even finger themselves while their partner focuses on stimulating the clit and other areas of the vulva with their mouth! The possibilities are endless!

Now that we have that covered, are you ready to learn how to make your partner scream with orgasmic pleasure?

What is Cunnilingus?

Y’all know that I love a good definition. It helps us all get on the same page.

So Cunnilingus is defined as

the act of performing oral sex stimulation on people or bodies with vulvas.

So basically, you are using your mouth, lips, and tongue to stimulate the vulva and vagina.

But don’t be overwhelmed.

Imma walk you through it!

Are there any benefits to Cunnilingus?

While Cunnilingus can’t cure cancer or make your debt magically disappear, it’s a great sexual activity because it feels incredible!

Cunnilingus can be more intimate than penetrative sex, so it’s a great way to increase intimacy with a partner.

Are there any risks?

Unfortunately, all forms of sexual activity come with a bit of risk.

There is a risk of passing/contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STIs). The STIs that can be transmitted include “chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and even HIV and HPV.”

But fortunately, there are ways to prevent this.

Before you and your partner get freaky, y’all can get tested, have an open conversation about your sexual practices, and even use dental dams!

Where there is a will, there is a way!

What Everyone Wants to Know

We have finally gotten to the good part. The step-by-step guide on what to do when you are going down on someone.

Star Wars Disney Plus GIF by Disney+ - Find & Share on GIPHY — The level of commitment you should have

When I gave blow jobs, I always went in with pure enthusiasm and the intention that this blow job would make this person remember me for years to come.

Now, I want you to set the same intention: You want to make this person have a leg-shaking orgasm that when they think back on it, they will get vagina tingles and smile like a fool.

So, without further ado…

Tongue

Now the tongue is your best asset when it comes to Cunnilingus, and the best part is that there are so many things you can do with it.

You can:

Use the tip of your tongue to go side-to-side on the clitoris.
Penetrate their vagina
Use the tip to swirl it around the clitoris and the hood but not touch the clitoris.
You can stick your tongue out of your mouth, let it drop over your chin, and make it flat and wide. Ensuring that it is drenched in saliva, you will then place the base of your tongue at the base of their vagina. Then slowly move your head, not tongue, upwards from the bottom of their vaginal opening to over their clitoral hood. Keep your tongue relaxed the entire time. You can repeat this process and play with the pressure and speed. Remember, you are licking, not flicking!
Lick all around their labia minora!

Mouth

So your lips can do a few things of their own.

You can use them to kiss their…

Clitoris
Labias (Minora & Majora)
Inner thighs
Perineum

You can also shape your mouth into an O-shape, ensuring that your lips are soaked in saliva and gently placing it over their clitoris.

You can then gently suck on their clitoris or just place your mouth there while the tip of your tongue plays with the clit.

Positions

So there are a variety of positions in which you can perform Cunnilingus:

Doggy Style
1. Everyone gets on all fours, and the Giver eats their partner out from behind.
69ing
1. One on top and one on the bottom, facing opposite directions.
Face-sitting
1. The Receiver can sit on the Giver’s face.
Missionary
1. You can do regular missionary or add a pillow underneath your partner’s hips to elevate them.
The Giver can kneel while the Receiver stands or sits on the edge of the bed.
Kivin Method (aka Sideways Oral)
1. The Giver positions themselves at a 90-degree angle with the person’s vagina in their face. They then hook an arm under the leg closest to their body and use their other hand to expose the clit.

Hands

So while Cunnilingus only refers to your mouth, your hands don’t need to be left out.

You can use your hands simultaneously with your mouth. This is also known as the Venus Butterfly:

Here are some suggestions:

When they are sufficiently aroused, you can insert a finger (or 2) into their vagina and play with their G-Spot or insert it into their anus.
You can insert a finger into their vagina and just let it sit there. Do not thrust it or use it to stimulate the G-Spot. It will distract the Receiver and cause them to clench their vagina, which helps get them to orgasm.

Or you can switch between using your mouth and hands.

Or while you are eating them out, your hands can roam to other areas of their body:

You can play with their chest/breast or play with their nipples
If they like it, you can try choking them or just put your hand around their neck
Hold their hips in place so they can grind against your mouth & tongue
You can stick your thumb into their mouth, and they can suck on it

Noise

Moaning and talking about how good your partner tastes is always a good idea but let’s take this further.

The Giver should try motor-boating or hum into the vagina.

To motor-boat, you will rest your lips over the clit and the vaginal opening and blow outward so that your lips (not your partners) vibrate.

Humming into their vagina is about the same. You will place your lips in the position and hum into their vagina, thus sending vibrations into them.

You (the Giver) can choose the vibration’s speed, power, and rhythm, and you can also move your lips to different locations around the vulva to see where the best stimulation is for the vagina-owner.

Things to Avoid During Cunnilingus

These are not hard and set rules.

They are more like suggestions for beginners and an excellent place to start if you are trying to get your technique down.

Always be sure to communicate with your partner and pay attention to their body language.

Doing the Alphabet

It might work for some, but there are better techniques, as I have explained. Doing the alphabet is inconsistent, and for many vulva-owners, they need a consistent rhythm to reach an orgasm.

Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlay - Find & Share on GIPHY

Not Being Consistent

As I said, consistency is critical for most vulva-owners to reach orgasm. Find what feels best for your partner and stick to it unless your partner wants to try different things. In that situation, listen to your partner’s noises and pay attention to their body language.

Going too Hard too Fast

The clitoris has about 8,000 different nerve endings, so you don’t need to go super hard right away.

This especially applies if they are already aroused. The clitoris then becomes erect, thus making it even more sensitive to touch.

Slow and light pressure is always a great way to start, and then once you see that your partner is enjoying themselves, feel free to pick up the speed.

Flavored Lubes

Flavored lubes usually contain sweeteners, and if they get within the vaginal canal, they can cause the Receiver to get a yeast infection.

5 Steps to Pleasing Your Partner with Your Tongue

1. Learn their Anatomy

Please learn the anatomy of your partner! It will make everything go over much smoother and help you understand which areas you should focus on.

Here is a quick lesson:

Mons Pubis: This is the cushion for the pushin’ or, more accurately, the “fleshy mound above your vulva” that becomes disguised under a bush of pubic hair once you hit puberty.
Clitoris: Sometimes hiding under the clitoral hood, it’s located at the top of the vulva where the labia minora (inner lips) meets. With over 8,000 nerve endings, the clit is solely there for the pleasure of its owner.
Clitoral Hood: A piece of skin that partially covers the clitoris to protect it.
Labia Majora (Outer Lips): Usually thicker and covered in pubic hair.
Labia Minora (Inner Lips): The inner lips begin at the clitoris and stop under the opening of the vagina.
Vaginal Opening: Where penises, toys, dicks, tongues and what have you go into for pleasure.
Urethral Opening: Where pee comes out of.
Anus: It opens to your rectum and, like the clit, has many nerve endings (aka why people like anal sex).
Perineum: The bridge of skin between the vagina and anus. It can be massaged for pleasure.
G-Spot: It’s about 2 inches into the vaginal canal and feels like the roof of the mouth; use fingers to make a “come hither” motion to stimulate it.

Related Article: The Fundamentals of Owning a Vagina

2. Tease

Before you jump into any sexual activity, you need to start with foreplay.

So before you go down on your partner, get them wet.

Start by making out with them and work your way to their chest. Play with their nipples, kiss their neck, and then their inner thighs.

You can leave hickies on their inner thighs if they’re into it.

You can then kiss them through their underwear before pulling it down.

And right before you go in to eat them out, let them feel your warm breath on their clitoris and vulva. It will create more sexual tension and possibly have them beg you to touch them.

Then when you finally do go into lick the clitoris, be gentle, use light pressure, and with the tip of your tongue, lick in an upward motion.

This is just a suggestion, but foreplay is a must!

3. Get the Basics Down

Before trying new techniques in different positions, get the basics down first.

Here is a basic routine that you can start with:

Foreplay. Get them good and wet.
Find a comfortable position. Missionary, on the edge of the bed, or standing up are great positions because they offer easier access.
1. Spread the labia, angle your head to 45 degrees, and use your tongue to lick the commissure, which is the area right above the clitoris and clitoral hood. Your tongue can move side to side or use it to make a clockwise or counter-clockwise motion around the clit.
Gently pull back your partner’s clitoral hood to fully expose the clitoris. From there, you can either do the O-shape technique or make your tongue wide and flat.
Pay attention to your partner’s body language and listen for any moans when you are doing a specific technique. You can also periodically ask them if they like it.
Once a consistent rhythm has been established, you can add your hands and fingers.

4. Sex Toys? Fk Yes!**

But only if they are comfortable with it!

Adding a sex toy can increase pleasure for the Receiver and almost always guarantee an orgasm.

The toy can sit on the clit while you work on the rest of the vulva and vagina, or it can go inside the vagina while you work on the clit.

Or you can use a butt plug for some anal pleasure.

Or you can some nipple clamps and make it a full-body experience.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Explore!

Talk it over with your partner, whether you want to explore new techniques, different sex toys, new positions, or even different erogenous zones.

Don’t do anything without their consent because it can make the trust you built with them fall and make the experience one they prefer not to think about.

Cunnilingus All The Way

I wrote this quick guide so everyone can learn about Cunnilingus accurately.

I remember when a guy first went down on me, and the feeling was sensational.

Just having his tongue on my clit was amazing, but after doing a lot of research for this article, I’ve realized it could’ve been so much better.

I know a vulva can be intimidating, but with some guidance and an open mind, I know you will be able to become a master at the art of Cunnilingus!

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Cunnilingus 101 :What the F**k Is It + 5 Steps to Pleasing Your Partner

Key-Take Aways

What is Cunnilingus?

Are there any benefits to Cunnilingus?

Are there any risks?