I am just going to say it!
Anal sex is intimidating!
You can’t see what is exactly happening. A lot of trust goes into the other person, and the feeling is new and uncomfortable.
But here is the thing, there is a reason why so many people try anal sex and why it becomes a must in their sex routines.
It’s because it is incredible!
There are so many new sensations, and it is so out of the norm for many people.
Unfortunately, like with everything in sex, it has gotten a bad reputation.
And with bad reputations come myths and misconceptions.
These lies that we have been fed make us believe that anal sex is horrible when in reality, it’s not.
It can be great. You just need to learn how to execute it properly.
But before we can learn, we need to dispel some common anal sex myths because, like a common fear associated with having anal, it smells like bullshit.
- Anal sex is not for everyone.
- Trying different sex acts and getting out of your comfort zone is great. I recommend trying anal before shutting that conversation down, but remember, that is okay if it is not for you! Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t want something up your ass.
- Do it with someone you trust
- Especially for your first time. You don’t want an asshole in your asshole making you feel bad because you are uncomfortable.
- Anal sex requires more planning and preparation than other forms of sex.
- Your anus does not expand like the vagina, and it takes time to prepare it to receive something as big as a penis. Be prepared to go slow down, do some deep breathing exercises, and talk to your partner every step of the way.
- Risk is still there.
- Everyone uses anal sex as a backup plan to not getting pregnant and think that it’s safer compared to other forms of penetration, but that is not true. More on this in Myth #4.
- It’s not supposed to hurt.
- Sex hurting the first few times should not be as normalized as it is. Even in anal sex, you should not be in pain. Uncomfortable and unfamiliar feelings, yes. Pain and suffering, no.
Myth #1: Anal Sex is Easy
A common thing people say about anal sex is that it is “smooth.”
It just slides right in there, and this is simply not true.
Anal sex is not as “easy” as it seems. Now I am not saying that it is dangerous, but I am saying that it requires more planning & preparation than other forms of sex.
This is because the anus is tight, and the muscles are not built for receiving something.
You can’t just stick a 6-inch dick in there and not expect some pushback.
You need to prepare your anus to receive and build up the tolerance over time.
There are several things you can do, to help train your sphincter muscle to relax:
- Start with light touching and pressure to the area.
- This is a great first step if you have never had anything near your asshole. Getting used to the pressure will help you relax as you move up and start inserting objects or fingers.
- Start with fingers
- Start by inserting one finger and then move to two.
- Use small sex toys
- Once you have become accustomed to receiving two fingers in your anus, you can move up in size to small sex toys like butt plugs.
- Anal training kit
- You can buy an anal training kit online. The kit contains butt plugs in various sizes, so you can start with the smallest and eventually work your way up.
Remember training your anus to receive takes time. If you are having sex with your partner and you want to try anal, start with foreplay and deep breathing exercises to relax.
If you tense up, your sphincter will tighten, making the process harder.
So relax. I know that word is not in my vocabulary but make sure to add it to yours.
Moreover, you will need lube. Don’t fight me on this.
The anus, unlike the vagina, does not produce its own lubrication. Without the lube, there will be friction, and friction leads to pain and bad experiences.
So if you want the object to “slip right in there,” you will be needing lube.
Opt for either a water-based or silicone-based lube because of either of these mix with condoms.
Oil-based lubes are great too but don’t mix well with condoms and AVOID at all cost, warming lubes & numbing lubes.
The warming lube will make your asshole feel like it is on fire (or so I’ve heard) & the numbing lubes don’t let you feel anything. And you need to feel. If you don’t feel, you won’t know if you are in any pain which is bad.
Pain warns you that you need to stop. If you can’t feel that, you can be causing some serious damage to a much-needed area in your body.
Myth #2: Expect Blood & Pain During Anal Sex
Like a vagina-owner having sex for the first time, blood and pain should not be expected.
It is actually a shame that it is as normalized as it is.
When it comes to anal sex, blood and pain come from friction and tears in the lining of the anus.
This is why I say you need lube. The more friction there is, the more tears there will be in the lining, causing bleeding.
The anal muscles are tight and used to the pushing out motion. But with anal training and implementing relaxation methods, and most importantly, going slow, you can get the sphincter to relax.
This will make entry much easier, and there won’t be as much pushback, which means less pain.
If you implement these methods, there should be little to no pain or blood.
But if you do, by chance, experience some pain, then you should stop immediately.
You most likely need more lube or foreplay. You also need to move down the size of whatever you are trying to fit into your asshole.
But if you are experiencing a lot of pain, blood, or discharge from the anus after having anal, please go see your doctor.
Related Article: 12 Common Sex Myths You Have Definitely Heard
Myth #3: You Won’t Be Able to Hold Your Poop
I feel like this is one of the myths about anal sex that your sex education teacher tells you to scare you.
And while it seems like a valid concern, it is nothing more than a myth.
From what I have researched, having anal sex is safe. There is no evidence to back up the claims that you will lose control of your anus and have fecal incontinence (not being able to hold your poop).
The sphincter muscle is a muscle, and like any muscle, it gets used to how you train it.
So if you are constantly having anal sex, your sphincter will get used to receiving penetration.
It will be more relaxed, but it won’t lose the ability to hold your poop.
While some people do experience fecal incontinence, it is a low risk and not very common.
Planned Parenthood specifies that “as with vaginal sex, there’s a very small risk of leakage and prolapse (when pelvic muscles weaken and cause organs to slip down).“
But the chances of this happening are low and anal sex is safe.
If anything, take this as another reason why you should go slow and train your anus.
Myth #4: Anal Sex Is Safer Than Other Forms of Sex
I am just going to say this: All sexual activity comes with risk.
Anal sex is no different.
People use anal sex as a backup plan when they don’t have condoms and they don’t want to get their partner pregnant but in reality, anal sex still has risks.
The risk for transmission of STIs & HIV is actually higher when it comes to anal.
This is because the skin is delicate in the rectum. It is prone to tears and fissures, which allow STIs and infections to easily enter the bloodstream.
Hell, even your own bacteria from your fecal matter can enter your bloodstream through those tears.
This isn’t to scare you but let you know that anal sex has risks.
So when having anal, please use condoms.
Not only will it make for an easy clean-up, but they will also protect you from STIs & HIV and from pregnancy!
I know the chances of getting pregnant from anal sex are low, but they are never zero. Especially if you are letting semen be ejaculated near the vaginal opening.
Moreover, using a condom with lube will make the entry smoother because there is so much lubrication.
Myth #5: You Will Definitely Poop
Ahhh, pooping on your partner. Some people’s ultimate fear and other people’s kink.
While receiving anal sex is described as pooping backward, you are not actually pooping.
But pooping is the only feeling that the muscle is used to, so that is why it feels that way.
As for the actual fecal matter, there is not much to worry about.
This is because most poop sits in your lower bowel, not your rectum. So a penis or an object will not be able to reach the poop.
But the canal where you are receiving penetration may have some leftovers from when you did have a bowel movement, and that’s okay.
It is not a lot and if you want you can use soap and water to clean it up.
But it is important to note that no matter how much you clean, you will always have a little bit of fecal matter in your rectum, even if you can’t see it.
And if you are not okay with that, then maybe you shouldn’t have anal sex.
Poop is kind of a part of the deal with anal sex.
But if you are really worried, I suggest having a bowel movement and using an enema until the water is clean.
This way you can have peace of mind.
Pssst…you can also use a condom for easy clean-up!
Related Article: Everything You Need To Know Before Having Anal Sex
Look, anal sex is great. There is a reason why it is so popular.
Orgasms can be more intense since the anus is packed with lots of nerve endings; it is a great way to explore your body and sexual desires.
Furthermore, it is amazing if you want to connect deeper with your partner because of the amount of communication you need.
I know it is intimidating, but don’t let the myths get to you.
If you want to try anal, then try anal.
Just remember to take your time, go slow, prepare, and use lots of lube.
It should be a great time!
- Cosmopolitan| The 30 Biggest Misconceptions About Anal Sex
- Cosmopolitan| 5 Anal Sex Myths That Are Totally Wrong
- Women’s Health| 6 Myth About Anal Sex That Might Change Your Mind About It
- Sexual Being| 5 Myths & Misconceptions About Anal Sex
- Planned Parenthood| Can Anal Sex Have Any Long Term Effects on my Body?