5 Big DON’Ts To Avoid During Anal Sex

Apr, 21, 2021

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If someone has been in a relationship for a long time or it’s their partner’s birthday, what is the first sexual favor they may offer to spice up their sex life?

Some may say blow jobs or different, crazier sex positions, but I say it’s anal sex.

More and more people in today’s society are open to exploring the back door. However, because anal sex is still considered taboo, there are many misconceptions about what you should do versus what you should avoid.

This post will break down the top 5 things you should NOT do if you are going to embark on this new sexual adventure.

Ready? Let’s go.

Related Article: Everything You Need To Know Before Having Anal Sex

#1) Not Using Enough Lube During Anal!

Lube gets a bad rap…for some reason.

Girls don’t want to use it because they think it says something about their ability to get “wet enough,” and guys don’t want to spend the money…I assume.

The truth is that you’re going to need lube for every sexual activity you embark on, especially if you are going to have anal sex!

And no spit will not be enough (it dries out too quickly).

The anus, unlike the vagina, is not self-lubricating. So no matter how aroused the person is, the anus will be as dry as California is in a drought.

Lube is the rain that it needs, and you should use a lot of it.

Photo by Deon Black 

With anal sex, there is a lot of friction (cause it’s dry), and this friction can lead to tears in the tissue of the anus.

These tears can start bleeding, leading to more significant issues such as hemorrhoids and allowing STIs to enter the bloodstream quickly.

Nobody wants that. You want to enjoy the experience and have it be pleasurable for both parties.

So use lube and use a lot of it.

If you are using latex condoms (which you should), you can use either a water-based or silicone-based lubricant.

A silicone-based lubricant is thicker and will last longer, while a water-based lube may dry out quicker, so you may need to reapply it a few times.

But never an oil-based lube because they will break down the condom and won’t be able to do their job of protecting you from STIs.

Related Article: The Ultimate Guide To Condoms: Different Types & Styles

#2) Using the Same Condom or Not Washing Up After Anal Sex

The anus is known for its ability to push out poop. Yes, we are going to be talking about poop. What did you expect?

No matter how much you clean your butthole, your butthole will always have some fecal matter in it, and that’s okay!

It’s your butthole! That’s what it is there for!

Just be sure to change your condom, wash your hands, toys, or fingers in between sessions.

Please do not go from anus to vagina or mouth without cleaning up.

Because even though you can’t see the poop, it’s there along with bacteria that is strictly for the anus.

If you go from anus to vagina or mouth without cleaning, your risk for infection skyrockets, and you are opening yourself and your partner up to the possibility of some nasty infections.

So switch condoms, wash up and then go on to another activity.

#3) Drinking Copious Amounts of Alcohol or Using Drugs Beforehand Anal Sex

I get it. Anal sex, especially for the first time, can be super intimidating.

Something is going into your butthole. And then out again. Then in again.

It kind of makes you nervous, right?

It makes sense that you are going to want to unwinded with a glass of wine or 2. Or smoke a little something-something.

woman in gray tank top while sitting on bed
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

I get it but don’t do it excessively. Don’t act like the person at the bar who just turned 21, and they want all the shots.

I get that you want to loosen up, but you will want to be mostly sober and in control.

It’s your body, and it’s a new sexual activity that you will want to enjoy and get the whole experience.

Moreover, you will want to know if you are in any pain and how are you going to know if you are in pain after five shots of tequila.

Being present and in the moment is crucial so you can dictate what you want to do; this way, your partner knows how far to go and what not to try.

Two tequila shots or a glass of wine are fine, but five shots and three glasses of wine are pushing it.

#4) Using Numbing Creams During Anal Sex

So you have probably heard that anal sex is painful, and you have this great idea of using a numbing agent, right?

You think that it is an excellent idea because you won’t be able to feel the pain and your partner can go as deep as they want and they’ll be happy and so will you, right?

Now in retrospect, it sounds like a great plan.

But it’s not, and here is why.

If you are completely numb back there, you will not be able to feel any pain, which is a big problem.

You will want to know if you are in pain because pain is an indicator that something is wrong. Such as the anal tissue tearing causing you to bleed, and opening you up to new infections can lead to big issues in the future.

And once that numbing agent wears off, that pain is going to come back tenfold.

So please don’t use a numbing agent so you can listen to your body and respect its limits.

It is not about who can take the 6-inch dick in their asshole the quickest. It’s about enjoying the experience and having a new, fun thing to do in the bedroom.

If you aren’t using condoms and your partner has a penis, the penis will go limp because it will get numb.

Avoid the numbing agent and stick to lube.

#5) Not Working Your Way Up

The most important ‘don’t’ that is often overlooked.

Remember when I said that anal sex requires more planning, preparation, and communication than other forms of sex?

Yeah, that is because the anus is made of two sphincters; the internal sphincter and the external sphincter.

They work together to keep the poop from leaking it out until you are ready for a bowel movement. 

These muscles are used to the sensation of pushing poop out and not used to having anything going in and out of it repeatedly.

So if you’ve never had any anal play and your FWB is trying to stick their dick in there, it’s going to hurt.

This is why you need to work your way up to their dick.

Start with some light touching and pressure to the area. Then you can introduce a finger or 2.

Then eventually some small toys (or anal training kit), and after some time, once your anus has become accustomed to the sensation of having something going in and out of it, your FWB’s penis.

Just start with the tip, and then if you (the bottom) want more, tell them.

Communicate how you are feeling and if you are enjoying the activity or not.

Keep in mind that you can stop whenever you want.

Working your way up will reduce the risk of tearing and bleeding and make the experience overall more enjoyable and pleasurable, which is the goal.

Like I said in #4. It is not about who can take the whole dick in their ass the quickest. It’s about trying something new.


Anal sex can be intimidating, but it can also be amazing!

You can have better orgasms and a new tool for your sex belt, which is great.

But it is not a race.

It’s an experience that can bring you more pleasure and make your sex life 100% better.

And possibly bring you closer with your significant other or with yourself.

Yeah, there may be some missteps along the way, which is also part of the experience. So make sure to do it with someone you trust and will make the experience fun!

You may find out that you absolutely hate the experience and never want to do it again, and that’s okay! It’s not for everyone.

You can move on and try something else.

Or you may find that you absolutely love it and want to incorporate it into your daily sex routine or solo play!

That’s great too!

The important thing is not to push your body too hard and to do it because you want to.

Not because it’s Chad’s birthday, and he has been begging for it all year.


  1. Healthline| Anal Sex Safety: Everything You Need To Know
  2. b-Vibe| What I Wish I Knew Before My First Time Having Sex
  3. Buzzfeed| 29 Things People Wish They Knew About Anal Sex Before Trying It
  4. WebMD| Anal Sex Safety
  5. Come To Mia| Everything You Should Know Before Having Anal Sex


Hi, I am Mia! I am Sex Education Enthusiast and I love bringing people the knowledge they need to make their sex lives better! I always preach that having a healthy sex life is a part of a healthy life overall.

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