How many lies were you told about sex while growing up?
Were you ever told that if you touch yourself too much, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy sex with a partner?
Were you ever told that you could tell if someone has an STD?
I wasn’t, but I know some people who have, and they still believe it to this day.
Were you ever told that you have to shave your pubic hair, or else people would think you were disgusting?
These sex myths and many more have been around forever.
They have become so ingrained in our culture that we see them everywhere, in our shows, in our advertisements, hell, even in our education system.
I will be covering 12 of the most common sex myths that I hear about almost daily, and some that just shocked me to the point that I needed to discuss them.
Why 12? Because 10 seemed too little, and I’m not too fond of the number 13.
These sex myths do either or all of the following.
- Oppress people’s sexuality,
- There was not enough research at the time to contradict the myth
- Nobody bothered to correct it when they heard it.
So without further ado, let’s begin.
#1) If A Woman Has Lots of Sex, Her Vagina Becomes Loose
Sex myths surrounding women tend to make my blood boil.
I heard this as a little girl and whole-heartedly believed it until I was about 20.
Not only is this completely false, but it punishes women for being sexual beings and for having sex with multiple partners.
It’s a shame tactic that has no place in today’s society.
As a vulva-owner becomes aroused, their vaginal canal expands and lengths.
The vagina then lubricates itself so it can take that dick, dildo, finger, or vibrator.
When a vulva-owner is not tight, this means that they are appropriately turned on and ready to have sex.
If they are tight and penetration is painful, then they are not fully turned on.
So make sure to incorporate more foreplay so your partner can thoroughly enjoy the experience.
#2) People Who Shave Their Pubic Hair Are More Hygienic
This is false.
I believe this to be another societal narrative made up to make everyone feel inadequate and weird about something so natural.
Or better yet, I believe that big corporations made up this narrative so they could sell more razors, waxing kits, or trimmers.
They created a problem, told everyone to be insecure about it, and came up with a perfect solution.
Your pubic hair is there to protect you and your genitals. It’s your friend looking out for some precious cargo.
It stops dirt, oils, and bacteria from harming your genitals and can also aid you in protecting you from other STDs and UTIs.
But if you don’t like a whole ass jungle down there and you want to groom, I suggest only trimming.
While waxing and shaving are deemed more socially acceptable, they can also cause you a plethora of problems.
This is because waxing and shaving create small tears in your genital area, making you more susceptible to infections and boils, abscesses, and cysts.
Moreover, if you are sexually active, then you have STIs to worry about.
So stick to trimming when possible because, trust me, you don’t want a cyst on your ball sack or vulva.
#3) Women Pee From Their Vagina
I blame this on the education system. I don’t blame people, but the lack of sex education provided by the U.S. is appalling.
The worse part is I didn’t know this until I was like 18. I never questioned it, and I think I learned it from Family Guy.
Now that is all I am going to say about that.
Women and vulva-owners have 3 holes. The order is
- Urethra: The hole women pee out of that. It is hidden right under the clitoris (little nub at the top where the labia minora meets).
- Vaginal Opening: The hole where babies and period blood exits, and penises, dildos, fingers, and tampons go in.
- Anus: The booty-hole. Where women poop out of, and the possibility of anal sex comes in.
That’s it—only three separate holes.
I’m glad we went through that.
#4) Masturbation Will Destroy Your Sex Life
It genuinely makes me sad that masturbation has such a bad reputation.
It doesn’t deserve that.
You’ve probably heard the sex myths.
You’ll go blind.
You won’t enjoy sex with a partner.
If you do it too much, you will lose feeling down there.
It causes erectile dysfunction in men and sexual dysfunction in women.
Masturbation is such a beautiful and educational activity.
Not only is it a great way to get to know your body and your genitals, but it also has so many health benefits.
It helps reduce stress and tensions, it alleviates menstrual cramps, and it relaxes you.
And when it comes to sex with another person, it makes it even better.
Now you know what you want, how you like to be touched, the rhythm and speed that is right for you.
The one side effect that scares many people regarding masturbation is the idea that you’ll have a decrease in sexual sensitivity.
In terms of the genitals, no, you won’t.
You will become accustomed to a certain speed, pressure, and method that gets you off, but if you stop for like a week, that sensitivity comes right back.
Like everything else, enjoy it in moderation and have fun.
#5) Penis Size Matters
No, the fuck it does not.
I don’t care what anyone says. A bigger dick is not better than a smaller dick.
They are all equal, and actually, many women prefer a 6 inch (which is the national average) over a 10 inch.
Penis size does not matter.
All dicks are great.
But what does matter are the owners.
How caring are they, how attentive they are, and how well do they listen to their partner in bed.
What is sexy is communication, consent, and willingness to listen to your partner’s needs and initiative to go the extra mile.
Many people, including myself, have experienced everything from a micro-penis to a 10-inch dick.
Do you want to know what all these penises had in common?
The sex was not great.
It was not mind-blowing.
It was at best average.
So a bigger dick does not equal better sex. If anything, it equals more pain and extra saliva.
#6) Porn Emulates Sex In Real Life
First making an appearance in photography and then film, porn has had a long life.
And during its lifetime, it has received a horrible reputation.
Listen, I am not here to rag on porn. I like ethical porn.
It’s fun, and there is so much variety.
If you wanted, you could dedicate each day of the week to a different category.
For example, Amateur Mondays.
But porn is unrealistic, and many people, including teenagers, think that is how sex is and should be.
PORN IS UNREALISTIC.
It like a fucking Hollywood movie only with worse actors and smaller budgets.
But the issue is that many people, including teenagers, want to emulate porn and believe it to be real.
They think that real sex looks how it looks in porn. And that is dangerous because what you don’t see in porn is consent, communication, and the mess it is.
I hate to break it to you, but the stewardess on your flight will not ask to see your cockpit.
No, the taxi driver will not ask to see your pussy or your dick if you don’t have cab fare (well, that depends on the cab driver, but it’s not realistic).
Porn exemplifies sex as something pretty, perfect, and clean.
And the girl is just dying for that huge cock, and she screams as they put it in because “it’s just so big!”
No, real sex is messy.
It’s weird; people are moving in odd directions trying to find a good rhythm; people have hair in different places, and orgasms do not cum that easily.
#7) If No One Had An Orgasm, What Was The Point?
Everyone say it with me…
SEX IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION.
Now, what do I mean by this?
Well, sex is not just about having a mind-blowing orgasm.
It is more than that.
Orgasms are amazing, don’t get me wrong.
They have many health benefits, and you feel like you’re having an out of body experience, even if for a few seconds.
But really great sex is more than just having an orgasm.
It’s a full-body experience.
I remember that I told my ex-Fuck Buddy, a guy, that even though I wasn’t able to cum through penetration most of the time, I still really enjoyed the sex. That’s why I kept coming back.
I swear he looked at me like I grew two heads.
He responded by telling me that he did not see the point if he didn’t cum. And that is why he is my ex.
Just kidding, that is another story for another time.
But I find it tragic that as a collective, we think of sex as a way to get your nut and get out, and if you didn’t cum, that is on you.
Sex can offer so much more.
It is a mental, emotional, and sometimes spiritual experience if you let it be.
#8) You Can Tell If Someone Has An STD
I find this to be one of the more problematic sex myths.
Who am I kidding? They are all super problematic.
But this can impact your physical health and lead to severe issues.
In short, no, you will not be able to tell if someone has STD.
For instance, most of the time, you cannot tell if someone has herpes unless they have a flair up.
On top of that, most STDs and STIs are asymptomatic.
This means that people who have STDs will not have symptoms—implying that carriers will have no idea that they are carrying an STD unless they get tested.
Since getting tested is so stigmatized that rates of STDs continue to rise.
So don’t be dumb; wear a condom and get tested regularly because you don’t know who has an STD, and you don’t want to find out how bad an STD can fuck you up.
#9) Women Don’t Get Blue Balls
Now I didn’t even know this was a myth!
The only reason I looked this up was that my mom, of all people, asked me.
It looks like men’s and women’s anatomy is more similar than society let us believe.
Yes! It is true.
Women or vulva-owners can get blue balls.
The best part?
Its official name is “Blue Vulva” or “Pelvic Congestion” if you want to get technical.
This happens when a vulva-owner gets aroused, and blood flow increases to the area causing “heaviness around the clitoris and vulva.”
Like Blue Balls, Blue Vulva is temporary, and the feeling will pass once the blood flow returns to normal by either having an orgasm or no longer being aroused.
So, either have sex, masturbate, or take a cold shower to get your mind off it.
#10) Men Who Like Or Want Anal Play Are Gay
Even though there are whole porn categories dedicated to anal sex and eating ass alone, the thought of anal play in today’s society is still a bit taboo, especially if men are the ones on the receiving end.
Sexual behavior does not determine sexual identity.
Now, what does that mean, you ask?
Well, what you do or enjoy sexually does not define your sexual orientation.
Wild, I know.
Moreover, anyone -whether gay, trans, bi, or straight- can enjoy anal play.
Like the clitoris, the anus has many nerve endings making stimulation to the area very enjoyable.
If anything, it is super logical. Most people have one, and for men, the G-spot is right up there.
Why wouldn’t you jump at the opportunity for more pleasure?
#11) If You Use Sex Toys, Then You Are Cheating On Your Partner
I’m sorry. Did I hear that right?
I don’t understand why this is a thing, and I don’t want to shame anyone if they believe or believed in this, but it’s not fair.
I understand that society shames people, especially women, for being sexual but to believe this is sad.
In doing my research, I found that many people, especially women, believe that if they use sex toys, they will “ruin themselves” before having sex with their partners.
Like many of the other sex myths, this makes me incredibly sad because people are depriving themselves.
Depriving themselves of pleasure, of the chance to explore their own body and take sex with their partners and themselves to the next level because of a made-up societal concept that makes you feel as if you are something that can be ruined or broken.
You are not! You are a human being with urges and curiosity!
I found that when people do not want to use sex toys because they are afraid of being “ruined,” they are worried that they will lose sensitivity in their genitals and not enjoy sex with a partner as much.
In truth, this concern is valid but not in the way people think.
If you use a specific sex toy enough, you will become accustomed to a certain speed and rhythm that you know gets you off each time. So the bare minimum won’t cut it anymore, but you won’t lose that genital sensitivity.
As I said before, if you stop using the toy for a while, that sensitivity comes back.
You won’t experience a decrease anywhere, and you definitely won’t “ruin” yourself.
Just make sure to use high-quality sex toys and use them in moderation.
#12) Most Women Cum From Penetration Alone
Like most of the sex myths I have discussed in this post, I blame T.V. and porn for this one too.
In all honesty, I shared this belief for quite some time.
I wondered why I could not cum from penetration when all the girls on tv could do it so effortlessly.
I genuinely thought something was wrong with me and the guys I was having sex with had no remorse in telling me the same thing.
What’s worse is that I believed them. I believed them over myself.
I didn’t have enough knowledge about my own body to know that I wasn’t, in fact, wrong.
When I think back to it, everything around me -the media, society, the guys, my friends- they were all telling me that something was wrong with me.
And none of us knew different because we kept receiving messages all around us that didn’t tell us any differently.
That is why I despise this myth.
That is why I was so angry about Bridgerton perpetrating the same narrative.
But now I know better so I can teach others.
So here are the facts:
- Only 65% of heterosexual women orgasm during sex with a partner. Compare this to the 95% of heterosexual men who always orgasm.
- This is known as the orgasm gap. It is as real as the wage gap.
- Heterosexual women are the least likely group to achieve orgasm compared to people of other sexualities.
- Heterosexual women who did reach orgasm were more likely to receive something extra such as oral sex, genital stimulation, or longer duration to sex.
- The study is linked below.
- Men tend to be more orgasm-focused when it comes to sex. Women like the journey of sex and hope to get to the destination, but they still appreciate the ride even if they don’t.
- Several factors contribute to a woman not being able to cum. This includes but is not limited too
- Lack of foreplay
- Clitoral stimulation
- There is a lack of concern for women’s pleasure and anatomy.
Last fact and most crucial fact:
- If I guy tells you that he has made all the girls he has had sex with cum from penetration alone, he is either…
- Lying to protect his ego, pride, and reputation
- The girls he has slept with are as good as an actress as Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.
Above all, believe yourself because no one knows your body as well as you do.
Do Your Research
In short, society sucks, but we’ve been knowing that.
They took something so fundamental to the human experience, twisted it into something ugly, and surrounded it with tons of misinformation.
Then they take advantage of that misinformation for a profit.
Why? For money, power, and control. What else?
But I digress.
While there are so many more myths and misconceptions surrounding the topic of sex, I wanted to cover just a few key ones that I find can be the most detrimental to people.
It is ironic, really.
We have access to so much knowledge at the touch of our fingertips, yet we are still lead to believe these myths are truths.
So I want to leave you with this:
- Don’t believe everything you hear or read. Do your research. Talk to a doctor or a therapist. Read a book or take a class on human sexuality. Don’t be afraid to question what society perpetrates as “normal.”
- And yes, masturbating is normal! Yes, touch your clitoris while you have sex! Yes, research sex toys! No, porn is not a good teacher, and no, penis size does not matter.
- And most importantly, explore your body safely, have fun, and get tested!
Leave a comment down below telling me about some sex myths you’ve heard about.
- Medical News Today|Sex Talk: 5 Myths You Need To Drop
- Medical News Today|Are There Side Effects To Masturbation
- The Healthy|18 Sex Myths You Still Believe
- HuffPost|10 Myths About Sex That Many Adults Still Believe
- Medical News Today|Is Blue Balls A Real Condition
- Heathline|What’s The Average Penis Size?
- Better by Today|The ‘Orgasm Gap’: Why It Exists And What Women Can Do About It
- Springer Link|Differences In Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women In The U.S. National Sample